It amazes me how far out of my league my boyfriend is. But what completely baffles me is how he thinks he's the lucky one.

i want to sit by the fire

snuggled up in a blanket with our pjs

next to the window while it's raining

i want to hold your hand

rest my head on your chest to hear your heartbeat

and just watch the world go by-

HOLY CRAP YOU JUST TEXTED ME

Okay, obviously you aren't getting my mental messages to talk to me first..

Do I dare do the unthinkable..start the conversation myself

ASDFGHJK.KJHGBFSDS

My bestfriend is beautiful, loving, funny, kind hearted, easy to talk to..

its safe to say she is perfect.

Today she told me that she might be gay..

she doesn't know that I am gay, and have been in love with her for almost a year..
maybe I will get my happy ending after all <3

every male and female friendship has that defining pivitol moment that either says theres nothing more than friendship between us or we could possibly be more. 

well last night i think we had about fifteen of those. and they all pointed at more. youre my best friend. your six five and lanky and honestly a little goofy looking. your silly and act like youre 15. you love your sports and we lay around watching espn all day. you made me laugh a deep and throaty laugh during one of the worst cry sessions ive ever had. you sing really loud with me in the car and we share moments of intimacy that would break lesser people. 

two nights ago we sat in the cabin of my dads boat with the hatch up so we could see the stars. we drank and smoked and laughed like we always do. but as the conversation got deeper, you got closer. eventually your arm was draped casually around my shoulders which didnt mean anything really but then when i laid my head on your shoulder and looked up at those baby blues there was something different in your eyes,  in the way you were looking at me. you looked at me like you loved what you saw. like you were memorizing that moment. it was the first time i had ever even thought of you in that way, but i liked it.

you stayed the night that night because best friends dont let best friends drive drunk. when i woke up that morning your feet were hanging off the bed by like two feet and your arms were holding me. it was your 21 birthday and i bought you breakfast and a handle of canadian whiskey and threw you a birthday party at my house on the lake. we laid out just the two of us at first singing random bits of songs at the top of our lungs because the radio broke. all day we pretended like that defining pivitol moment hadnt happend. we both played along.

then when we went to the bars later that night, you got friendlier. you touched the small part of my back, leaned in to my ears and wispered "thank you". it sent shivers down my back. then the bar slowly cleared out, people stumbled away to cars and cabs and home. we were finishing our beer, slowly--not in any hurry.

i went to hug you goodbye and wish you one last happy birthday. you held me a little too long. we laughed about it shyly. then when we pulled away, our faces inches from each others, i couldnt help but say: "your cute." you smiled that silly smile and flashed me those dimples and i felt a little flicker on the inside that never used to happen. then i also couldnt help but say: "kiss me". you cocked a sideways grin, chuckled a little bit, turned your head to the left and looked just like danny zuko from grease. then in one swift motion you wrapped those hands around my face and kissed me with a passion i had no idea existed between us. we both felt it. i know because when we pulled away the same look of shock and awe and love reflected in your eyes.

im not sure what we do with this tree but your my best friend. i never want to loose that. but do should we have to sacrifice a friendship for a relationship?? sometimes the person you are meant to be with was standing right beside you the whole time.  i kind of hope this is sorta the sames thing. :)

We were climbing up a huge abandoned construction machine about 50 feet tall. It was raining, it was dark. I told you I wanted to climb it. You sighed, and said "I'll go first." in a brave manly voice. "No!" I said...

"Let's turn around now" half way up.
"No way."

You're desperately afraid of hights. I'm dangerously addicted to adventure.

"There's no way youre guilting me into this."
"Fine."
(turns around to walk back down)

Two steps later, you changed your mind and walked up it, knowing I was upset that we weren't having a true adventure. Helping you climb that long steep dark slippery walk-way was undescribable. You were like a frightened puppy. Perhaps even a kitten. We got to the top and I wanted a kiss. A romantic high-up in the rainy darkness 50 feet in the air. Shaking, holding on for dear life, peeing your pants, you let one arm off the machine and kissed me.

I didn't know your fear for hights was that extreme. I also didn't know your love for me was that extreme, that your feelings towards me over powered that fear and kissed me 50 feet in the air just to make me happy.

Now I know what love is

This isn't a letter; it's a prayer.

Dear God,

My brother is 21 years old. He has never been kissed. He's barely been on a date. He's never had a girlfriend. He's never held hands with a girl. He's very socially awkward. 

There's this girl. They're friends, and she's perfect for him. Perfect. She's totally within his reach. So, please God, please, please, please, give my brother the strength to ask her on a date. To pursue this. Give him the courage to ask her how she feels. BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE SEES IT.

He deserves it.

Love,

A little sister. 

You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. You are so intelligent. And humorous.

Every time I see you, I fight the urge to hold you and kiss you.

I love you.

Why isn't life like the movies?  Why can't the quiet awkward guy end up with the popular girl?  Why can't the nice guy catch a break for a change? 

Today I read an old letter you wrote me nine months ago. I don't know what I expected when I reopened the envelope. Regret, maybe? Self-pity? Self-loathing? I can tell you what I wasn't expecting: to smile at the same parts. Laugh at the same parts. Maybe even forgive you a little bit.

That's the beauty of a letter. When you say things aloud they are lost to the wind. But when you write them down they stay forever. The circumstances, the world, around them may change, but they never do.

We all want a concrete sentiment to hold in our hands, a reassurance, a reminder, that we are worthy of love. We all just want a letter.